'Draculas' Has More Than a Bit of Biting Humor

Review: DRACULAS (Kindle Edition 2010)
Authors: J.A. Konrath (aka Jack Kilborn), Blake Crouch, Jeff Strand and F. Paul Wilson

The intro to DRACULAS includes the following dire words: "If you're easily disturbed, have a weak stomach, or are prone to nightmares, stop reading right now. There are no sexy teen heartthrobs herein.

"You have been warned."

Now those words could either be met with a knowing snicker or a pang of dread. Oddly enough, both responses would be appropriate.

DRACULAS starts off looking like your fairly average horror novel. An aged eccentric recluse buys an unearthed Transylvanian skull that appears to be that of Dracula. He does something I won't tell you (too much of a spoiler -- yes, already!) that leads to all sorts of problems.

Essentially, the eccentric man's actions lead to the creation of another Dracula. But the problems don't end there. No sir. The problems are just beginning.

Most of the story takes place in a hospital (one that's out in the remote countryside, naturally), where the Dracula gets loose and starts biting people and turning them into Draculas. Thus, the name of the book in plural. Not just Dracula, but Draculas -- and an awful and ever-increasing lot of them.

At the heart of the story (because, this story does have a heart, actually) are three couples: hospice nurse Jenny and her average Joe, lumberjack ex-husband, Randall; Shanna, a biological anthropologist (how convenient) and her lawman/cowboy would-be fiance, Clay; and Stacie, a pregnant woman on the verge of giving birth, along with her preacher husband, Adam.

The book jumps around in perspective from head to head, among the various Draculas and the six protagonists trying to defend themselves from them. It's written with an almost stream-of-consciousness style that keeps the pace fast and the emotions immediate.

However, the bulk of the story is hardly the stuff of nightmares. In fact, it perfectly combines horror with whimsical humor. In fact, it manages to be gross and incredibly funny. Scary, yes, but in the most cartoonish of ways.

Let's put it this way: if Carl Hiaasen and Bram Stoker collaborated, they could've produced this book.

And, as for the Draculas themselves, each has his own distinct personality and agenda. (Although, I could've done with a little less time in their heads. The words "Bloodbloodblood" became less like a threat and more like a drone with each reading.)

And as for one absolutely positively knock-your-socks-off funny scene involving a legless Dracula in a wheelchair. Well, it elicited outright belly laughs from this reader. (Perhaps the intro should be modified to address the hopelessly politically-correct, rather than the easily disturbed. But that wouldn't be much an intro, would it? Never mind, the intro's fine.)

Now, without revealing anything specific about the ending, let's just say that things take a very serious turn right around the time the story reaches the point of becoming resolved. The resolution itself has serious repercussions for each of the couples. And the climax is, in fact, quite explosive.

And the end -- well, remember that pang of dread I mentioned? The noir twist on the ending is truly dreadful. And turns out to be the scariest part of the book.

In any case, DRACULAS is an absolutely brilliant example of macabre humor at its best. (With a lesson: look out for those handsome heartthrobs. They aren't always what they seem.)

And, BTW, total kudos to the four (!!) authors who collaborated on this -- J.A. Konrath (aka Jack Kilborn), Blake Crouch, Jeff Strand and F. Paul Wilson -- you guys are frakin' brilliant!