Review: Exploring 'The Places That Scare You'

No, THE PLACES THAT SCARE YOU (Shambhala 2007) is not a Stephen King novel. It's author, Pema Chodron, is a Buddhist nun, and the book is a concise explanation of how Buddhist principles can help one cope with life's difficulties.

I've grown interested in Buddhism for various reasons and have read other books about it, but this one has brought me as close as I've ever come (so far) to actually understanding it. It still leaves me with questions (and Buddhism encourages you to question everything), some of them paradoxical.

For instance, under Buddhist principles, being human means "being part of the whole called by us 'the universe'" (quoting Einstein) and finding ways to connect with that whole and accepting others (even Hitler or Charles Manson) for what they are. At the same time, although you're supposed to practice compassion, it should not be "idiot compassion" or simply "being kind when we should say a definite 'no'." "When we find ourselves in an aggressive relationship," Chodron writes, "we need to set clear boundaries."

This raises the question of where you draw the lines and how. When are you raising needed defenses versus building unnecessary walls based on fear or anger? Is war inevitable under some circumstances, even from a Buddhist perspective? Of course, Buddhism does encourage one to examine one's own feelings carefully, so maybe you can eventually distinguish between the two situations. And maybe our response to global aggression can be something less than war but more than allowing ourselves to be walked upon. And, since uncertainty and becoming comfortable with it are also part of Buddhism, maybe such a paradox is part and parcel of the whole practice. (Maybe I've just answered my own question. Maybe I actually "get" this after all.)

In any case, Buddhism encourages us to release our bodhichitta, or (roughly speaking) our capacity to love and feel compassion for others, as well as to be in touch with our own vulnerabilities, so that our response to difficult situations and people is based on that, rather than fear and anger. And how bad can that be?